Just a hint, if you feel needy in a relationship, some key expression of love is missing for you.

18Jul06

What if she brought the subject up on the second or third date and said, “I’m looking to meet someone that I will eventually marry and want children of their own”? She would have found out right away that he choose not to have another child. You say, how can I say this? Won’t I scare the guy away? My philosophy is if the guy (or gal) gets scared and runs away, let him (or her)! Any serious contender will stick around.

Time and time I see my clients get too physically involved in a relationship much too quickly and then regret how hooked in they became. They were in this quandary that they liked the physical relationship but did not see a future with the woman. And for women, there is a hormone released during s.ex that makes us feel attached to the male.

Resist temptation! It’s so important to get to know a person and let the emotional, intellectual connection, and spiritual connection for some, grow first. This is a foundation of a great relationship. If there is physical attraction, that’s great. It’s not going anywhere.

Take at least 3 months to date and really get to know each other without s.ex. If there is a desire to take the relationship to the next stage, being exclusive with the desire move in a serious direction, at least you know that you have the same values, goals in life and want the same things. Besides, if the relationship turns out not to be right, you will be able to walk away with respect and may be able to remain friends. This step alone will reduce the risk of failing in a relationship again.

In my dating questionnaire, I asked the question, “In dating and/or relationships, what makes you angry?” The overwhelming response is dishonesty. Yes, we can’t control how another behaves, but we can choose to be honest to another person. They will respect you for your honesty.

I recently had a client role-play how she would tell a guy that she was not interested in dating him. I asked her how she felt when she said to him,” I enjoyed meeting you. However, I do not feel that this is a good fit for me.” She said she felt empowered and felt good about herself for being honest and straightforward. I then asked her,” how are you honoring this person by being honest?” She replied,” I am showing them I respect them and not willing to waste their time so they can find someone more suited for him.” Bingo!

How can you prevent someone from being dishonest with you? Go back to step #4! Take your time and get to know your potential partner. The people dating with integrity will respect you and want to take the time for them to get to know you, as well.

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